The Future Is That Mountain

Who Am I?

I honestly contemplated suicide today.

For about 2 seconds.

But I realized the fall from the overpass wouldn’t kill me and the cars would swerve and avoid me and I would probly be in a lot of pain and I hate pain and I’d probly end up owing the hospital a lot of money that I clearly don’t have and with that I wouldn’t be able to make good on my future goals and in the end I came to the rational and logical conclusion it didn’t seem like such a good idea.

At that moment, it became clear to me suicide is not my fate and it never will be and I have a good feeling about what really is and I love life and living and what I’ve got going on in my head and my heart and my soul and I’m trying my best, Goddamnit, my best to ride this wave of change, but it’s choppy and I’ve only actually surfed like four times in my life even though I live in Los Angeles, so I’m not quite at Kelly Slater status yet, but I’m strong and I’m filled with emotions and I’m trying my best.

All I want to do is push myself up on this board and stand tall and proud and dangle my toes in the whitewater while I glide toward infinity with dreams realized and cheeseburgers eaten and goals fulfilled and I guess they say love makes you do crazy things and act a fool and be quixotic even if you already are but I’m pretty sure I live crazy and foolish and quixotic everyday and even though I’m a mess, I’m glad I kept walking on the overpass today because things get better as the sun floats in the the blue reflecting sky, as the moon wades in the deep black night, as I continue to surf the change because the wave is still cresting and the water is refreshing and the sun is warm and the sky is clear and if I don’t keep surfing I’ll drown.

I guess I’m just in need of swimming lessons and cats aren’t the best instructors.

 Hey, man, guys your age learning to surf, it's cool,
 there's nothing wrong with it.

UTAH
I'm twenty-five.

15
 See that's what I'm saying, it's never too late.

Utah picks up the board and moves to leave.

15
 Hope you stay with it.  Surfin's the source.
 It'll change your life.Swear to God.