I can’t get over how mind blowing it is to really, truly feel comfortable around someone, finally. To not feel judged and I can make all the stupid faces I want and smile all over the place and just be the me that’s been inside me for probably 5 years but has never come out. A picnic in the park was probably the best birthday present anyone has ever got me, and that’s not an exaggeration, not in the least. I couldn’t be more pleased. And besides I haven’t gotten many gifts in the past few years. Bike riding was perfect. I can’t breathe, but that’s fine.
At one point I almost held your hand and I think you almost held mine back but I’m not sure because I was scared. Yes, I do get scared, everyone. And now I sit here listening to old records and thinking about a new face and how it’s possible to feel such extreme highs and at times, such low lows.
And I keep eating theses cookies that you baked me by the half, not wanting to eat them all because you’re not here and they are and some weird part of me wants to keep every part of you as close to me as possible.
