I basically just want you all to read my blog and say to yourself,

Gosh, he IS crazy. But I kinda wanna hang out with him.

Part of having OCD(for for me it’s mostly obsessive) AND a few different types of anxiety is that I go through these bouts where I take a situation that is more often than not, normal and my mind twist it and all I can focus on is the eventual outcome in the worst possible terms. It’s hard to explain unless you have this problem. The meds work pretty well, but at times I still get “crazy”.

The thought processes I have are really complex, like take a child’s overactive imagination and place it in a man who has ocd and that’s almost how I feel at times. By complex I mean think of a 1000 page choose your own adventure novel playing out in my mind. It isn’t pretty and can be very exhausting.


Tonight my mind raced around a situation that is pretty awesome and went to a place that’s totally illogical and, to actually discuss is embarrassing . As a person who sorta-kinda prides himself on logical, clear headed thinking it’s hard to deal with having these thought processes.

I know i’ll wake up tomorrow and be okay, and I know that everything now is okay but I still can’t shake the worst possible outcome of things.

This is all really vague and it’s lame.

So, trying to be a bit more positive I was thinking early this morning as I was out feeding the tortoises that for a long, long time I thought that I would eventually meet a woman and she would turn my life around and I would suddenly become the man that I always wanted to be. Then I realized that right now, I’m the man that I need to be for the woman that I love and conversely she’s exactly the woman that she needs to be for me. We met in this place where we’re perfect for one another.

I always want to say that she’s perfect, but she disagrees. It dawned on me that I don’t want her to be “perfect”, because she’s not perfect for say, Zack Efron, she’s perfect, just for me.

I had it so backwards for so long. I basically have the best relationship possible. Sure there are a few set backs but those little bumps in the road actually make the drive interesting, you know?

She’s still sick and sleeping now and I’m here typing away, on the typer but at the end of the day, after 28 fucking years I’m happy with who I am and what I have and that ladies and gentlemen is all that one can ask for.